{"id":4802,"date":"2011-04-26T08:37:11","date_gmt":"2011-04-26T06:37:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.ultimatefatburner.com\/?p=4802"},"modified":"2015-02-16T09:08:04","modified_gmt":"2015-02-16T14:08:04","slug":"should-you-talk-to-your-friend-about-hisher-weight","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/should-you-talk-to-your-friend-about-hisher-weight\/","title":{"rendered":"Should You Talk to Your Friend About His\/Her Weight?"},"content":{"rendered":"

This author of this Chicago Tribune article, “Broaching a Weighty Subject,”<\/a> thinks so.<\/p>\n

But I don’t. Especially when it’s done like this…<\/p>\n

With a few key strokes and the click of a mouse, you can anonymously tell a loved one that he or she might want to consider losing some weight, and hey, you know just the place to help.<\/p>\n

Structure House, a North Carolina-based weight-management facility, offers an online refer-a-friend program in which an e-card with details about Structure House’s offerings arrives in your pal’s inbox, with a note reading, “I saw this program online and thought I would share it with you.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The author concedes that “experts are divided on whether this is an effective…way to tackle the topic.” Do tell.<\/p>\n

But the rest of the expert\u00a0“advice” in the article is just as questionable. Try this on for “size”:<\/p>\n

The last thing they need from their friends, in other words, is piling on. But that doesn’t mean you should avoid the topic altogether.<\/p>\n

“If you saw a loved one with a sore on their arm that could be a melanoma, you would ask, ‘Have you had that checked?'” says Lynn Grefe, president and CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association. “If you think their health is at risk, it’s not a judgment, it’s a concern. If you saw someone with a gun to their head, you would try to take the gun away. If the person is at risk for diabetes, they could lose their sight, they could lose their legs. The person, in a way, has a gun to their head. They may not know what to do.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suffice it to say, I don’t agree with this assessment. Not everyone will link something seemingly innocuous like a sore to a life-threatening disease; but\u00a0they’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to miss the\u00a0message that obesity is linked to increased risk of diabetes, CVD, etc.<\/p>\n

Be that as it may, “increased risk” does not<\/em> imply inevitability… so acting as if your friend has a gun to his\/her head is\u00a0a perfect way to turn them into\u00a0an ex-friend.\u00a0The relationship\u00a0between obesity and health is\u00a0more complicated than the author apparently understands. For example,\u00a0she seems totally unaware that\u00a0a significant minority (25% – 30%)\u00a0of obese people are – in fact –\u00a0metabolically healthy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

So there’s a lot of FAIL built into this approach:<\/p>\n

A critical first step is keeping the conversation centered around health.<\/p>\n

Grefe suggests asking your friend if she or he has had a recent physical. Offer to help locate a doctor and attend the appointment.<\/p>\n

“Let’s see where they are on the map,” Grefe says. “See if they have high blood pressure. See if there’s undetected diabetes. Keep the approach on health.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In other words, treat your friend\u00a0like a dim-witted child. I’m sure s\/he will\u00a0be touched.<\/p>\n

…Grefe concurs. “People don’t choose to be overweight. Something deeper is going on and you need to reach out and say, ‘I’m concerned.'”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This is even worse. No, people generally don’t choose to be overweight. But\u00a0if I were obese, I’d\u00a0resent\u00a0well-intentioned but\u00a0tone-deaf attempts by my friends\u00a0to play\u00a0amateur psychologist!\u00a0<\/p>\n

Seriously: you\u00a0can’t assume simply by looking at someone’s waistline that\u00a0“something deeper is going on” – that’s ridiculous.\u00a0 And an offer to help with a doctor’s appointment\u00a0could easily\u00a0backfire: all too many overweight\/obese patients have had negative experiences with their docs<\/a>. So if your friend hasn’t seen a doc in a while, there may be a reason\u00a0beyond\u00a0helplessness, self-neglect or indifference.<\/p>\n

For the record, I’ve had discussions with overweight friends and acquaintances about losing weight and getting into shape. But this is because they<\/em> brought\u00a0the subject\u00a0up with me<\/em>.\u00a0And why not? They\u00a0know that I “walk the walk” and am fairly\u00a0knowledgeable about fitness and nutrition.\u00a0And\u00a0when asked,\u00a0I offer solid, practical information, not generic,\u00a0poorly-informed,\u00a0anime-eyed\u00a0expressions of\u00a0“concern” for their health.<\/p>\n

And\u00a0that brings up a point completely missing from this article… just how entitled to talk\u00a0are the “yous” this article is aimed at?<\/p>\n

IMHO, before\u00a0approaching a friend with “concerns” over his\/her perceived unhealthy habits,\u00a0you\u00a0ought\u00a0have your own under control.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

To put it another way: people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.<\/p>\n

If you’re a thin person, good\u00a0for you. \u00a0But you can’t blithely assume that you’re healthy – let alone healthier than your overweight friend –\u00a0just because you’re thin<\/a>. Fat people who are fit (according to\u00a0treadmill testing)\u00a0may actually be healthier than those who are thin-but-sedentary.<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n

In short:\u00a0if you have an overweight friend you’re concerned about, you should lead by example and STFU until asked. If you’re physically fit and have healthy eating habits, these things will be noted… and will\u00a0almost certainly come up in conversation. Ditto if you see your doc for regular checkups, maintain a healthy blood pressure, etc. Your friend will either inquire further or change the subject – either way you’ll know where s\/he stands on the issue of his\/her weight… without resorting to\u00a0melodramatic\u00a0conversation-killers\u00a0like this:<\/p>\n

“How can I help?” Grefe reinforces. “I love you too much to lose you. I want you to be around a long time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Spare me…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This author of this Chicago Tribune article, “Broaching a Weighty Subject,” thinks so. But I don’t. Especially when it’s done like this… With a few key strokes and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[24,28,29],"tags":[1863,1236],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4802"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4802"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4802\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9851,"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4802\/revisions\/9851"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4802"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4802"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ultimatefatburner.com\/ufb-blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4802"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}